heart being squeezed.

another weekend being fully-utilized at home. surprisingly tak bosan. maybe i just needed the rest. bangun tido selambat yg mampu utk smlm n hari ni. hehe.

working life is currently not bad. not that it's fun. it's just not bad. ahah. partly becuz i still get to see my friends. i dunno why when i was doing my intern last year mcm takde jmp org pun. wlupn balik office hour mcm biasa. mungkin klcc tuh jauh. yer lar tu kot kan.

i dunno whether i shud write about this here. in fact i dunno what is the most appropriate way to help myself get through this.. i've got no one to turn to.. haih. do u know how does it feels like to dikecewakan berkali-kali? i'm not sure myself whether or not i have the right to feel disappointed. was it too much to ask to feel respected and appreciated?

when i said i couldnt stand this anymore. i meant it. mmg tak mampu dah. but to let go is also something i'm not capable of doing. how can anyone be so selfish and so hurtful towards their loved ones. i have always thought that i'm not a difficult person. ive tolerated so many things. but he just doesnt see it.

is he worth the wait?

i'm very aware that he's treating me sesuka hati. i'm not stupid. but it's hard to let go.. i refuse to give up hope.. but it's so hard to bertahan as well.. :'(

tuhan, pls give me the strength to let go if he's really not for me.
i really need to let go. help me to forget, to let go..

jom fikir.

does having opinions about politics makes us intelligent, or at least sound smart?

i never really care about politics. so am i shallow-minded?

*berfikir*

the art of killing time.

it's 6 p.m. and i'm at the client's office doing nothing. i've been doing this since morning. other than the few things my colleague needed me to help her with, which was very few. VERY. i'm too bored already. too bored. although yea i can kill time by surfing the net ke apa2 kan.. but i'd rather do that at home! apa ke point nye duduk kt office client nih klu tak buat apa2 kan? kesian client kne charge mcm 8 hours of my time today. haha. as if lah kesian kan. apa2 jer. nak balikkk. pkul 6.11 dah nii. takkan nak duduk sini tak buat apa2 smp pkul 10. haih.

wheee. i think i'm gonna blurt out segala benda yg berlaku these past few weeks. not really past few weeks actually. last week.

last week was like the worst week ever. EVER. the whole week i was feeling miserable. i think more to depressed kot. why the depression? rahsia. haha. tapi result of depression? i had an accident on friday! friday morning lagi tuhh. tiga kereta skali. i was the cause berlakunya jam di persiaran kewajipan that morning. what actually happened? i'm not too sure myself. at first i thought that it was not my fault sbb i didn't see the brake lights of kereta dpn tuh kan. so mcm dats why langgar die. but then bila fikir balik, volvo ayahku itu rosak teruk skali, which means i was sangat laju. sbb volvo kan kononnya kuat n mcm susah nk crash teruk kan. then bila fikir lagi, impossible i was being sgt laju sbb the traffic light just turned green. so baru start jalan n kereta byk, like how fast can i be pn kan? after talking to my mom, she was like, 'ke lia sebenarnya nak brake tapi pegi tekan minyak like the last time u did to my kelisa?' and mcm it makes sense! dat was how i went that laju. cuba bygkn when u meant to step on the brake.. nk tekan brake mst lah smp habis kan. so imagine i step on the minyak smp habis. :D bygkan the impact i made to that poor savvy yg i langgar. the impact was sgt kuat smp he then hit a vios in front of him. a verry bad, sad day. there goes my first salary. ughh. gajiku juga rasanya tak ckup nak cover volvo buruk tuh. bengang gilaa. okay i dunno whether i hv the right utk bengang ke tak since it was my fault lah kot kan. ahah. but my dad surely bengang gila lah kereta dia.. haih. tak sengaja! taktaulahh. i think luck was not on my side last week. sedih gila..but truthfully, the accident was not the main cause of kesedihan.. haih.

ada byk lagi nak tulis sbnanye. tapi i seriously wanna go home!!!

in between.

setelah sekian lama. ahah. done 1 week of bekerja already. starting the 2nd week tomorrow. God. help me through this. amiinn.

sebelum mula bekerja, i watched several movies, went to kuching and kota kinabalu, made a few new friends. june was fun. real fun. here comes july..

so today is the first weekend setelah bergelar pekerja. spent the day with dyen. taman warisan pertanian. what a random thing to do. menarik dan free. ha. itu yg penting. ahah.

cannot write long long. tomorrow is gonna be a very long day. *keluh*

millie, everything is gonna be okay. everything. :)