within.

i need to learn not to give too much.

i need to.
i need to.

when reality hits you.

another day in life. :)

hrm. yesterday was unexpected. not the day itself. but the events occurred. out of it, comes a question, how do you hold on to something which is uncertain? not only it is uncertain, it may also lead to kekecewaan, kehampaan, kesedihan, pembaziran masa dan usaha, dan ape2 lagi yang berkaitan. hehe.

how? bagaimana?

i know one definite answer, --> doa, usaha, istiqamah, tawakal. adakah ini bley diapply kepada jodoh? haa. that sounds wrong. hahah. tapi seriously. when it comes to that. how?

for this time of being, it really does not seem impossible. well. we haven't come to that point of time where we have to commit to something bigger. at least i don't think i am. it's just that it is out of fear that, that time to make that kind of decision arrives. what can be done? what is the right thing to choose? why do you have to choose pun? dua2 tak bley? ahaha.

in case you tak faham, this is a choice between people (outsiders) and dreams (money & wealth & success, and this one involves harapan keluarga). can those two come in pair? they can. but being realistic here, making choices means one has to be foregone, which is obvious. how can one let down his own family? *sighs*

but the point is, this choice has not even arrived in our hands pun. yet. and the question just now (again):

how to keep being motivated to hold on to this until that time comes (if it comes) where the said decision has to be made?

and the decision is most likely to favor the majority of people involved isn't it? I know..

I'm holding on to it becuz I do have hope left.. but not much..

To awk (how berterus-terang is that? ahah), "I do not know whether you realize how badly I wanted things to work out between us. But I can assure you it's as much as how badly you want to choose the other option. sy fhm awk taknak beriye takut kecewa.. tapi, mcm org kata.. nak seribu daya, taknak seribu dalih. ckp mmg senang, sy tau. ahah. tapi this is one of the things yg sy nak.. so just pls let's work it out. "

hari ini saya rasa kosong.
dan sedih.
saya putus asa. :)

benci.

di bulan yg ke-6.

atas ni is the picture of us. 6 of the 10 trainees for my batch. lagi 4 kt another division. so yg duduk tu is En Hamid Mahmood. A man who is already in his 50's. hehe. ske2 hati jer btau umur org. anyway, at the back from left is;

julia, me, alin, sya, mar and adie. (eherrrmm)

overall, i LOVE alin n cak. haha. they hv been such great companions during confusion, ketidakpuashatian, kelaparan, lunch, breakfast, OT, jalan-jalan di klcc dan pelbagai aktiviti harian.

so, my internship is gonna end very soon. i think my last day would be this friday. but i'm not sure myself either. the one thing i'd miss most is, talking to vendors. seriously. they're like great people to talk to. the ones yg bengong of course. mereka2 seperti norita (panah jaya), kak zah (bumi wangsa), yvonne (kinsajasa), hassan basri (optimum. <-- haha. bes ke ckp dgn dia? ;p) . i'd miss talking to KSB folks (En. Mahadi) too. tapi dah agak lama pn tak berhubung.. then i'll miss the contract staffs --> k.ihan, k.fuzah, k.sally, nazri, azmil, dan lain2, abg dino, mra, staffs in the neighboring division (k.lina yg blanje nasik lemakk. hehe), helpdesk people, akak2 cleaner, makcik2 yg selalu bersembang di surau sambil make-up.. ahaha. i'll miss those. secara am nya, i'm gonna miss the people and the working culture.

eyhh chupp. i WILL miss farah definitely. the coolest boss. whenever she speaks, she is sooo.. calm and collected. although dia cuma nk ckp, 'I haven't come out with the figures.. yet. But I should be getting the numbers.. soon' which from my personal point of view ayat itu bermaksud saya tidak berjaya meng'meet' dateline utk memberikan figure2 tersebut. hahaha. but somehow she managed to make it sound tidak bersalah dan masih dapat mengekalkan reputasi. salute.

but i surely do not miss sorting out material discrepancy issues. haha. akan rindu buat purchase order tak yer? hurm.. tak sure sbb belum ckup lama utk rasa bosan or anything.. hehe. oh lagi satu akan dirindu! exxon's makan-makan events! haha. EPMI serious banyak event makan-makan. :D

haha i know some people who might be bored enough to read this are clueless of wht i'm merepek-ing about since i did not provide you with basic ideas what is exactly the job that i'm doing as a trainee at ExxonMobil. sadly, mmg takkan diprovide kan pun sbb it's ending. very soon. haha. if i created this blog 5 months ago, then mayb ade sedikit penceritaan. tapi disbbkan cm sgt baru.. so takdelahh. hehe. but i had a bad day at work today though. not with the work. but with the org2 yg sungguh inconsiderate. gila (dzue's tone).

heeeeeeeeeee. nanti tak payah bangun pagi dah! (for two weeks at least.. ;p)

p/s: later i'm going to put up some more pictures. with Mus and Farah in it. or perhaps with MFH too! :)) . gambar with En.Hamid dipublish lebih awl sbb he's already on leave starting today til the 20th. so the picture was taken last friday.