heart speaks.

i just love writing my posts with this song in the background. it just gives me the feeling of love, calmness, happiness, etc all at once. soothing indeed.

erm. today i've actually done something which i myself am not sure of the coming outcome. i do not know if it is considered as trying to force something out of one's will. it's just that lately i feel a bit left out. a bit forgotten. i did not intend to put pressure or to put blames. and it's not really because of i've turned into a sensitive freak. i just wanted him to communicate with me. i just wanted to feel that somehow i am somewhere in his life. although each argument we had just made things worst. but the thought that each time we argue would leave him thinking about us and the argument, it was satisfying enough. knowing that i'd be remembered. and it makes me happy that he still cares to fight. he still cares to fix things.

however, it's not working anymore. somehow i sense the coldness when we talk to each other lately. or when i decided to approach him online. and i no longer sense his excitement when he talks to me. no more feeling of closeness. maybe i pushed it too hard. i did.

therefore, i think i'm done forcing things. i really hope that he'd understand.

with the notes i wrote last night and today, i just wanted him to know that i want things to be like the old times. long before the recurring arguments. the warm feeling of knowing that we have each other. the relieve of knowing that we miss each other. i just miss those. i do.